identity crisis

Any of you photographers out there ever feel like you are having a photo identity crisis?  Deep down you know your style is always going to come out in your photography, but then you find yourself looking through too many other photographers blogs and all of a sudden you don't know what you like anymore?  One moment you like the clean look of film, and the next minute you start enjoying those VSCO presets and muddy black and whites.  Just when you feel you are into the classy look, you start feeling a little funky and weird and want to, I don't know, throw your subject right in the middle of the frame with a wide angle.  What if you like contrasty photos..... or do you?  This is how I have been feeling lately.  I have been obsessed with photography as of late (good thing since it's my career path and all) so I have been lying awake at night asking myself, WHO AM I?  So what am I doing to deal with this you ask?  I am getting back to the basics, spring cleaning if I may.  I've whipped back out the old 35 mm film camera (I now have a Minolta AND a Mamiya) and I have my eye on a Hasselblad (Christmas 2013 come to mama).  I'm going to try and shoot more and see where my instincts take me.  Here are a few digital images that I shot a few days ago with my friend Andrea.  I am obsessed with this girl.  Her skin is FLAWLESS and the fact that she is a professional ballerina... well.  So anyway, not much has been done to these few photos.  Just a few adjustments in Lightroom.  I can't wait to get the film back and see how my new (old) camera worked.

Also.... do I have a photo blog you ask..... yes.... but I just feel like posting on this one lately.

 ^^^I'm totally mad about that light turning on in the background^^

 ^^^  Seriously, her skin is PERFECTION.  This is not edited at all^^^^

nanny days

I had the best day with this little one.

With each and every passing day, Elle becomes a little bit more sassy, a little bit more opinionated, a little bit smarter, and a LOT more easy to love!  This kid is a total crack up!  Lately she has really started to understand more, and I can't get enough of it.  We laughed all day and all night long.  Three looks good on you, Elle Belle.  

Sorry about all the iphone photos.  I'll put some lovely photos on here another day.

Nothing like a little evening facetime kiss to cure the "I'm all alone blues".  E's mom (Marcie) facetimed me shorty after I got home because I told them I came home to an empty house.  Sooooo nice!

On another note..... sort of...

Lately, I feel as if I have gotten a tiny glimpse into the way our Heavenly Father feels about his children.  If there is one thing I have learned from moving away from my family it is that I have learned to love.  I know my Father in Heaven has blessed me this last year with a tiny sliver of his love for every single person that I have met.  I am so thankful for the path that has lead me to these people who have become my family, when at times mine feels so very far away.  I have felt nothing short of pure love from those I am surrounded with everyday.  I can't imagine life without these people.  I know not everyone believes we are children of God, but  I don't care what you believe.  No matter what it is, all of us come from the same place.  We are ALL brothers and sister.  Every race, every religion, EVERYONE.   I can't wait until the day that I am able to return to the same place I came from with ALL my brothers and sisters and I know this is possible.

Sometimes I think about all the people that I have met throughout my life, and then I think about all the people in the world, and I get sad.  I get sad because I think... of ALL the INCREDIBLE people I have met, how many more incredible people are out in this world that I will never lay eyes on?  This thought makes me want to move everyday, just to discover all the people out there that I am missing out on.   Thanks for reading.... if you did.

No jokes tonight.... except for when I got stuck in the stair climber at the gym today and nearly had my leg chopped off....

But really that's a lie.  Jokes on you. Because I chose to eat cookies in bed instead of hit the gym today.

Annnnnd.... goodnight.

boys

Boys, not the kinds that break our hearts (never mine of course, but other peoples) but the kinds that talk about garbage trucks, Spider-Man, and hammers, Because these are the best kinds of boys. These boys don't break our hearts (other peoples hearts of course) and love us even if we don't wear makeup, wear our shirts backwards all day, and laugh at our own jokes.

I'm still convinced I've met the best group of people since moving to LA. How have I lived my whole life without my California people? Today I had the pleasure of spending a little time after work to hang out with my bosses boys. I've got this tiny little fan club (emphasis on the tiny) since moving to California and these boys are some of them. 

Below is a demonstration from a two year old on how to flirt. 

^^^^^^^^^^

To say little izzy likes me, is a HUGE understatement. I actually think he is the president of my fan club.  

^^^^^^^^^ 

I know you are all obsessed with this wall, I'm personally obsessed with their whole house!

^^^^^^^

I had to put this one up for my dad. Izzy grabbed the "Porsche". I personally felt proud that he knew the name. 

And just for good measure....

^^^^^^

My tiny, tiny, bald niece Collins!

^^^^^^^

....and an Elle selfie as the cherry on top!

All of these above children own my heart. Some day I'll give it away..... Probably when I stop hanging out with infants.  In the meantime, where's a great place for a night out on the town with a two year old? I really want to make an impression. 

film

I know we are all crazy for changing leaves at the moment and Lana Del Rey decided to entertain the thought that sadness has something to do with Summertime, but let us go back to brighter days.  Let us never forget that there is nothing quite as magical as a little sun on your back and a little sand in your crack.  Forget the pumpkins and crisp air for just one moment and remember what it's like to watch fireworks on a warm night.  Put down that pumpkin cupcake and remember that bikini bod that is ever so slowly slipping away each day we inch closer to Christmas.  Remember flowers, flipflops, and watermelon.  That's just what I did today when I picked up an old roll of film.  There was summertime, in all its glory.  Lucky for me, its practically always summer in California!

I remembered taking photos on the beach, since that was only in May or June, but the rest of the roll was a bunch of random photos from two Summers ago that I do not remember taking.  It' always so fun to leave a roll in your camera for a while.  All of these photos were taken with an old 35mm Minolta that Connie (an employee of my dad who I LOVE) gave me years back.  I whip it out about twice a year ha!  There were a few more photos at the beginning of the roll, but they were all blurry :( Alsooo..... the internal light meter is broken.  Luckily I'm pretty good at guessing!

me

Call me selfish, but lately I am desiring to do more of what I want (emphasis on the "I").  I want to go on a run.  I want to bake brownies after my run and eat them.... a lot of them.  I want to sit on the couch and pinterest.  I want to go to Disneyland.  I want to sit outside my front door waiting for the neighbors cat to come out so I can snuggle it (and stop pretending like I hate cats like I used to do for social reasons).  I want to go to the beach and fall asleep UNDER a towel because it's cold.  I want to go on a lot of dates.  I also want to eat peanut butter and chocolate for breakfast lunch and dinner and weigh 100 pounds... but we will just file that and the dates thing under the, "it's never going to happen", category.... unless of course I stop petting cats, which may result in a date or two....

or maybe the problem is something completely different...

 Unfortunately, the peanut butter situation is what it is.

What I am getting at here is this... another thing I have been wanting to do is more photography for MYSELF.  I wanted to do something fun.  Something that required a little more pre processing brain power, something CRAZY (but seriously, not really).  My friend Brady and I got together one day and discussed potentially collaborating our creative brains together for something.  Basically, everything that could have gone wrong happened with this photoshoot.  We were forced out of our planned location and found refuge in this little patch of bushes with an amazing tree.  Our props floated away (remember those green balloons if you follow my instagram @whitneykofford)  While we definitely had a plan, non of it worked and I ended up photographing on the fly.  So, here is something a little fun we did one sunny Sunday afternoon in the middle of Los Angeles.  I hope you're still with me!!

And just so you all know... I'm not totally that ugly all the time...